Abandonment

Before I was ever born I was abandoned. When I was born I had a brown spot on my face that the doctor said could be cancer and it should be removed.

My grandma refused saying that tradition was always told that they were known as BEAUTY marks.

Growing up it was watched very closely, still to this day I am skeptical that cancer survives in my body. Perhaps though it is the universes way of putting stars on a map, although it is just on my body.

Today, I had a very big, important, meeting. Large and in charge I found myself come 4:30pm. I even left work today without my motorcycle helmet I was so confident, rode about a block, realized it... and had to go back in a panic rush that I was going to be late.

Remind me to address the being late subject soon.

I have been abandoned by the male species of human many times in my life. More times than I can count to be exampled. My estranged father to whom I've never met. Probably the reason why every year come my birthday I find it unbearable NOT to cry.

Although many years they have always been happy tears, I have received the large and in charge curse of high tensity emotions. Increasing my spirituality, maturity level, and every other hormone in my body as it would be encouraged in a man.

I am not a failure.

I am a writer
These are affirmations I repeat to myself daily. I write when I have fury. I write because all my life I have never understood how supposedly the same species of human could abandon it's baby for a new life with whom ever, which ever, or where ever else was more important at the time.

Babies are special

They create soo many possibilities that the human eye cannot explain. Today I, myself eye witnessed the fascination with the same universe from which all creation is made. Life.

I myself witness miracles every day.

These are more affirmations I tell myself.

To all of the people who are privately reading my blog, I commend you on antagonizing the panic in me.

The panic that possibly no one cares about what I am doing. The panic that possibly life is irrelevant, everything is OK how it is, and it should be left that way. So be it.

Remain private. Every one's life is private isn't it?

Well not mine. My email account I discovered was hacked into twice within the last month. I am encouraged by this fact that for some reason my life is soo important privately that someone wishes to remain invisible.

I pride myself towards the fact that not only do they think my life is important, but so do I.

I am not conceded.

I am real

These are more affirmations I tell myself.

Growing up I remember having very adult conversations with my family. I remember my first modelling experience. Crying saying that I didn't know how to smile yet. I remember how traumatic it was when I looked at the picture and realized I wasn't smiling at all. I had no teeth my mom said. From that day on I always showed my teeth in every picture.

Now, I'm goofy.

A whopping almost twenty-five years old and I am still goofy.

Geesh.

I have a soccer game in fifteen minutes to play with the EAGLES!!! I love the fact that my indoor team here in Cayman is called the EAGLES... BECAUSE...

When I was in the 7th grade, that was the school mascott. I always wanted to be a cheerleader. BUT, I did track instead. I hated running, but for some reason I was possessed into thinking that perhaps what my mom did with her middle school career was what I should do cause she said she was good at it.

Now, I wish I would have done cheer leading... BUT NO... not true because while I was in track I met some of the coolest, most awesome, best est girls in the world.

Karen (Sista Sunshine), and the twins Jenn & Sarah right bells right now ... facebook keeps us networking.

This is all for now.

I must prepare myself for this make up soccer game. GOOOO EAGLES :)

PS. I apologize for the un edited blog I will check it when I get home. Keepin' it raw, keepin' it real, keepin' it RADICAL...

Always,
B